Partners and Doulas

A. How the role of the partner and the doula are different

The main difference between a partner and a doula is the training, knowledge , training and experience about pregnancy, birth and postpartum and to be there when the partner needs a break( which I have done many times).

A partner's role is to provide emotional support, encouragement and reassurance, while the doula is to provide information, physical support and emotional support to both the birthing person and their partner.

Doula's are there to support the entire family, and not just the birthing mother.

Having a constant person there who has been there through your whole journey, helps to alleviate anxiety and adrenaline during the labor process, basically everyone giving birth can benefit from a doula, whether it is your first, third or fifth! as every journey is unique.

B. How a doula supports a partner

A doula can help partners understand the range of normal behaviors during birth. A doula can assist partners in the use of coping techniques. A doula helps partners share in the birth experience at the level that feels most comfortable to them.

Ways a doula supports partners:

• Teaching you comfort measures to support your spouse/partner, such as acupressure, counter pressure and rebozo techniques

  
  

• Providing reassurance and guidance throughout the birth process

  
  

• Reminding you of birth preferences previously discussed and guiding you as you advocate for your family

  
  

• Encouraging connection between couples throughout the birth

  
  

• Continuous birth support so that you can take breaks as needed to care for yourself

C. Creating your labor support team

Think about what makes you feel comfortable and safe during situations that are intense or painful.

• Do you feel better when you have several people around you?

• Do you prefer to be alone or have just one person with you so you can focus inward?

• Do you appreciate having someone there who has been through a similar situation?

• Do you want to have people around you who will be very vocal?

• Do you want people there who will keep the mood light-hearted? Or people who will be quietly supportive?

These questions can help you decide which people from your support network will be the most supportive and helpful for you during labor and birth.

Here are the team members for your consideration:

• Care Provider - Midwife or OB

• Birth Doula

• Partner

• Family/Friend

• Nurse(s) (in a hospital setting)

Another wise consideration at this point would also be equipping yourself with postpartum resources such as getting names and contact info for at least one lactation consultant and postpartum doula (some birth & postpartum doulas are also lactation consultants).

With support restrictions in place at most care facilities, it’s more important than ever that you choose your team carefully.

If you have a partner, it’s probably a given that they will be one of your support people. Who you choose to be your second support person (and remember, you don’t have to have a second support person if you don’t want to) may be a difficult decision to make. It can be hard to plan for what kind of support you’ll need before you’re there, and if your support people have never supported a birth before, it can be hard for them to know what their role will be.

While your close friend, sister, or mom may seem like an obvious choice, it’s super important to make sure that you take some time to really think about what kind of support they’re able to provide- and if that’s going to work for you. Do they make you feel calm and at ease? Can they stay cool under pressure? Are they draining to be around? Are they going to be able to help you achieve your birth goals?

Remember that this is YOUR birth, and that you are not obligated to have anyone there that doesn’t make you feel 100% amazing. You’ll probably remember the day your baby is born for the rest of your life and it’s okay to be extremely picky with your support team. You won’t regret making true support a priority!

Here are three questions to ask yourself before you add someone to your birth team.

1. What is their role?

Why is this person at your birth? What is their job- is it helping you remember breathing techniques? Timing your contractions? A massage? Get specific! Birth is not a spectator sport. If they don’t have a job to do, you may want to reconsider having them there. While everyone is excited to meet your new baby, having someone there simply to witness their birth might leave you feeling frustrated or unsupported. Make sure whoever you choose is there for you, not the baby!

Remember, you aren’t obligated to allow anyone at your birth, even if they’re family, your best friend, or even your care team! You are the only one that gets to make this decision.

2. Can you be yourself around them?

You’ll probably feel a TON of big emotions during birth, and a lot of them may be intense. Birth is a vulnerable, overwhelming, and often doesn’t go to plan. Many people are surprised by the intensity of their emotions before, during, and after birth. Before inviting someone onto your birth team, ask yourself how this person responds when you’re angry, frustrated, afraid, or anxious? Do they help, or do they make things worse? Have they even seen you in any of these states?

Emotional distractions can totally stall your labor, so make sure you feel 100% comfortable with everyone that is in your space.

3. Can they handle it?

Can this person handle seeing birth up close (spoiler: there are fluids!)? Are they able to stay supportive and focused, even if your labor is long? Are they able to stay calm and rational if there are complications, or are they anxious and likely to panic or feel worried if something goes wrong? If you have a birth plan, do they support it?

How will this person react to seeing you in pain? Are they able to stay objective when things get intense? Do they know much about pregnancy and birth, and can they be helpful by providing information or suggestions when you need a fresh outlook?

Adding a certified doula to your birth support team means that not only will you know that your second support person is really cut out for the job, but also that both you and your partner will be fully supported no matter what happens. A doula allows you access to endless tips, resources, and support techniques, which means that you both can focus on handling labor without either of you trying to remember everything that you learned in your Childbirth Education class. Having professional birth support helps families feel empowered, confident, and totally prepared for labor before it even begins!